


Tell Me

by agenthaywood



Series: Someday You'll Understand [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post 2x03, ward always knows what wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-14
Updated: 2014-10-14
Packaged: 2018-02-21 04:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2454341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agenthaywood/pseuds/agenthaywood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She tries to sleep, but the image kept her awake. The blood she could feel on her hands kept them shaking. He makes the image go away, even after everything he what makes her feel calm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell Me

**Author's Note:**

> So this came about when watching Skye take that shot in the episode and letting the information sit in my mind for a few days and letting the ideas percolate when I should be paying attention to the lectures in class.

Tell Me

Skye’s hands wouldn’t stop shaking. The last few minutes of the mission replayed through her mind on an endless loop. She killed Donnie Gill. Just like that. She aimed and pulled the trigger. Mission accomplished. Good job. Move on.

May patted her on the back, gave her a small bit of reassurance. Coulson didn’t say anything. Everyone gave her space. They thought that was what she needed. They were wrong.

She wanted someone to tell her she messed up. Someone needed to tell her that she crossed the line, that killing was something they were above. It’s what made S.H.I.E.L.D. different from HYDRA wasn’t it? That when HYDRA would cross someone off S.H.I.E.L.D. would try to help them.

Her mind kept debating this even as she showered off the sweat and grime of the mission from her skin. Once she was cleaned and ready for bed she found that the usual exhaustion that embodied her after every mission was nowhere to be found.

The image of Donnie’s body falling into the water with a bullet hole where his heart should be remained in the forefront of her mind. It was 2:30 and she still hadn’t fallen asleep.

Giving up on sleep, Skye pulled on a hoodie and grabbed her wraps from her desk drawer. Exercise usually helped.

Usually…

Since May started training her, Skye had been using a mixture of kicks and elbow thrusts in tandem with the boxing, but tonight she just threw punches. This wasn’t training, this was just stress release. Skye would never tell Hunter where she learned to box whenever he asked. He was smart enough to know that May wouldn’t use something so trivial in terms of fighting.

She started counting her punches.

One two, one two, one two.

Donnie’s image flashed through her mind again.

One two.

The way his body fit in the scope of the rifle.

One two.

The way she adjusted her shoulder against the stock and planted her feet for the kickback.

One two.

The way it was so _easy_ to pull the trigger.

One two.

The way her heartbeat never increased.

One two.

Like she was a seasoned killer.

One…

Skye slumped against the bag. Her breathing was steady but her bones were not. She pushed away from the bag to the small mini-fridge in the corner of the gym. She opened a bottle of water and after wetting her dried throat Skye placed the bottle on the back of her neck.

She wasn’t a killer. Killing people was bad, S.H.I.E.L.D. was good. Coulson was good. It was that simple. Except when it wasn’t. May would always harp that there’s never an easy answer, in that same knowing tone that W-…

_Don’t think about him!_ She harped on herself. Ward was never the answer. He was a murderer and a spy and a traitor. Nothing he says can be true. He was right about Creel and HYDRA’s recruitment tactics, that’s it! Nothing more, nothing about you, and certainly nothing about your father.

Skye’s hands were shaking. She took the wraps off and tried rubbing her palms together to get some warmth into the cold bones in an attempt to calm her nerves. Looking at her palms, Skye still saw Donnie’s blood coating her skin. She never laid a finger on him but she was the killer. The blood was on her hands whether she liked it or not.

Before Skye knew it she was walking through the halls of the Playground. She grabbed a tablet on the table by the kitchen and approached a room.

Vault D

She didn’t know why she was walking down here. If she cared about his comfort she would argue with herself not to interrupt his sleep.

Skye turned on the low level light in the ceiling of the room and walked to sit in the chair facing his cell.

She tapped a command and the opaque barrier came down and she saw Ward doing something she didn’t think anybody would be doing at three in the morning: pushups.

It made sense, he wasn’t exactly getting skinny sitting in there. He was a specialist and she’s seen Trip go to the gym three or four times a day when he wasn’t in the field. May said it was restless energy.

Ward paused his repetitions. He looked over and saw Skye sitting in the chair wearing sweatpants and a hoodie. She looked exhausted.

“What’s wrong?” He asked before he could stop himself.

Skye looked around the room trying to come up with some reason that she was sitting in front of him.

There wasn’t one.

“I, couldn’t sleep.” Skye half-lied. She couldn’t but her reason may be different than the one Ward would come up with.

“Did something happen on the last mission?” He asked tentatively. He knew he had no right to know the mission details anymore. Skye was more than capable of defending herself now than she was a year ago.

“The Gifted’s dead.” Skye said before she thought better of it.

“You guys didn’t get there in time.” Ward assumed.

“We did.” Skye argued.

Understanding washed over Ward’s face. He took a second look at her appearance.

Her knuckles were slightly red, probably from punching the bag with more force than her wraps could protect against. The bags under her eyes were worse than when she was here this morning, meaning lack of sleep. Her fingers itched against themselves in a pattern resembling…

“No,” Ward rasped as he ran a hand through his tousled hair. How had he not seen it?

“You shot him?” It was a question but it sounded more like a statement, a sad one at that.

“Yeah, I did.” Skye affirmed.

“Are you okay?” He asked precariously.

“What did it feel like, your first kill?” Skye avoided the question.

Ward’s eyes focused on the floor before he answered.

“Too easy. The instructors at the academy told me that taking a life was going to be the hardest thing I’d ever have to do, but it wasn’t. Pulling the trigger felt too easy, too natural.” Ward explained as he looked back at Skye.

“Do their faces ever stop haunting you?” Skye asked. She was so tired.

“No, you’re going to see him every time you close your eyes. You can try to burn it out with alcohol, bury it with mission details, go to church for three months if that’s your way, but you will always see their face.” Ward told her.

Tears were gathering up in Skye’s eyes now.

“Why won’t anyone tell me that I did something wrong?” She asked with as stable a voice as she could manage.

“What do you mean?” Ward asked not understanding.

“May patted me on the back for it. Hunter walked away. Coulson wouldn’t talk to me about it. _You’re_ not even telling me I did something wrong.” Skye spit the last part out with more malice than she intended but she didn’t care. Someone had to tell her that S.H.I.E.L.D. was better than HYDRA, that she was giving her life to some organization that would put a bullet in someone just for not wanting to work for them.

“I’m not telling you what you did was right or wrong. I’m saying that what you did was the best decision that you could have made at that point in time. That’s part of the job.” Ward kept his voice even for her, knowing she on the verge of breaking.

“I KILLED SOMEONE!” Skye screamed. The tears were pouring down her face now mixing with her rage.

“Skye I get your ang-“

“I’m a murderer. I aimed the gun and fired. I’m the one who put the bullet in him. I’M A MURDERER!” She was hysterical now.

“Skye, I get that it was difficult for you-“

“No!” She cut him off again. “It wasn’t difficult! I was ordered and I pulled the trigger like it was nothing.”

The look Ward gave her made her chest tighten and her breath hitch in her throat.

“Coulson gave the kill order and all I did was shoot and breathe.” Skye’s voice calmed down considerably.

“I’m sorry that you had to make that call.” Ward said with sincerity lacing his tone.

Skye picked the tablet up from the stand on her right and opened the security feed for the cell. She entered a few commands and the feed was replaced with some cat video on YouTube.

Skye stood from the chair and walked over to the barrier separating them. She tapped a few more commands and the barrier shut down.

Ward looked at her questioningly from the bed as the barrier shut down and stared at Skye expectantly.

Skye walked over to the bed and sat herself on Ward’s lap. His arms wrapped around her waist automatically.

“What are you doing?” Ward asked with a faraway wonderment in his voice. Here was the woman he wanted willingly walking into his cell and sitting on his lap.

“Everyone is either lying to me or coddling me. You’re the only one telling me the truth. I need that right now.” Skye explained as she gently eased his upper body against the wall and laid against his front.

The hand that Ward had caressing her shoulders found its way to her hair. He strung his fingers through the strands in what he hoped was a soothing way. Ward didn’t want to scare her off but he also didn’t want her to do anything impulsive.

He thought back to the time he first killed someone. Ward had just graduated the academy and Garrett gave him a mark. The target wasn’t anyone people would miss but it still shook him up. Ward remembered banging one his old classmates after downing a bottle of scotch to try and erase the person from his mind.

Skye pressed her face against the crook of Ward’s neck and breathed his scent in. Her mind tried to fight it but her heart reminded her of what that scent meant at one time. Safety, warmth, comfort. Everything that Ward would try to not be she found in the way he protected her.

“I miss you.” She said before she could think better of it. This was probably the only time they had to be completely honest with each other.

“I miss you too.” Ward mumbled against her scalp.

“How do you get over it?” Skye asked quietly and Ward felt a wetness spreading across his neck and dampening his shirt.

“You don’t, but you can learn to live with it.” Ward told her as he brushed his lips against her scalp.

“Can I stay here tonight? I know there’s probably some protocol against it but I can’t sleep on my own right now. Please?” Skye looked at him hopefully. She felt like a small child but she didn’t care. Ward made the images go away and she needed that.

“Of course, anything you want.” Came Ward’s automatic reply.

Ward eased her off his lap and sat her on the mattress. He bent down under the bed and pulled out the blanket that he kept under there. May and Coulson were harsh wardens but they weren’t so inhumane that they didn’t let him have a blanket. Ward usually just kept it under the mattress because it felt too comfortable, something he wouldn’t let himself feel.

Skye took the blanket from him and ushered Ward to lay down on the bed. Skye laid herself on top of him with her ear pressed above his heart and blanket covering them both. Ward wrapped his arms around her shoulders and laid his head back against the pillow.

Skye let out a small content sigh that she hoped Ward hadn’t caught.

“This isn’t the first time you’ve had trouble sleeping is it?” Ward asked quietly.

“No, it just keeps getting worse. Between the missions and briefings and the training I feel like they’re prepping me for a war that’s already started.

“Don’t tell Coulson or May about this, but it’s probably been two weeks since I’ve had a decent night’s sleep.” Skye mumbled into his chest. The exhaustion her nerves had staved off came back in force making her mind foggy and her eyelids heavy.

“Sleep now. I’ll take the heat from Coulson and May in the morning. You need to rest.” Ward told her.

Skye nodded blearily against his chest. Sleep was already claiming her but she mustered the last of her energy to raise her head and press one tender kiss to his bearded jawline.

“Thank you.” She said before she finally fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope we get something akin to this in the show soon. I know the whole cuddling in bed's not gonna happen for a while, but I do want her to go to Ward for some type of comfort after a rough mission whether he was on the mission or not.


End file.
